Sunday, January 30, 2011

MOTHERING BOYS

August 2008- 19 weeks pregnant with our first child. In the ultrasound room waiting, tummy FULL of butterflies, for the technician to reveal the gender. Dont care one bit which way it goes, just anxious to know. ITS A BOY!

March 2010- 18 weeks pregnant with twins. In the ultrasound room for a somewhat emergent double biophysical profile check on both babies. I was having a lot of painful and regular contractions. Babies look great AND guess what? BOTH ARE BOYS!

The final order is in. The twins are the last children I will be having, so what does it all mean? I am a mother to all boys. 3 boys! You know, we all know...you DO parent boys differently than girls. People might insist that they parent equally, but that is just BS.

Once the news that the twins were both boys sunk in, I let myself be incredibly excited! I started thinking about how my life as a mother would be...what dynamics would be in place, with having all boys. I thought about what kind of Mom I would be to them. I asked myself what I still feel is the most important question to ask yourself about parenting...."How do you want your kids to remember you?" How do I want my boys to remember me? Here are some of the thoughts I have on that.....

A HUGE part of me plans to be that 1950's Mom. Stay at home for their entire childhoods. Cook a homemade dinner every night. Make them lunches for school every morning, and send them off in little brown paper bags. NEVER make them eat the school lunches because for one, they are gross. For two, I hated that as a kid because I felt like the kids whose parents made them lunches loved them more. Obviously that isnt the case at all, but thats what I thought as a kid. Take them to school every morning and pick them up every afternoon because again, as I kid I thought the parents that did that loved their kids more. And when they walk into the house after school, the first thing they notice is the smell of freshly baked cookies. And after they each eat a warm gooey cookie, they head to their bedrooms to find a neatly folded pile of clean clothes at the end of their beds, that they will be expected to put away immediately. After that they will do their chores, and they WILL have chores. Lots of them. I strongly believe in that. And somewhere in there will also be homework and dinner time, AND FAMILY TIME! I know, this all probably sounds completely nauseating thus far.... :P

A SMALL part of me plans to be that liberal, free spirited, spontaneous, and thrill-seeking Mom. I want my kids to look back and think, my Mom was FUN! I want their friends to say "Dude, Your Mom Rocks!". But at the same time, I want them all to be scared to death to cross me ;) I want them to think of me as just a tiny bit crazy. Mom is willing to try anything once. That kind of thing. I want them to know that they can be whoever they want to be, and that I will support them and love them the same. Well, i'd rather they not be strippers or pimps or something like that, but you know what I mean!

I want them to see their Mom as a Lady. But yet, I also want them to know that while they are playing outside, chin deep in dirt and mud, Mom will be right there playing with them and smothered in the same dirt. And I will stand next to them and their Daddy, beside the river, fishing for salmon. And I will also be right there to help them clean the catch. I dont necessarily PREFER to do that, but I want them to know that I will if I need to. Im a total tomboy at heart, so I think God knew it would be fitting for me to have all boys. But again, I want them to see me as a lady. Soft hearted and open-minded. Easy to talk to.

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE it if they always called me Momma. I am such a softy for that. The way little southern boys say it, like, "Maawmaah". I love that.

I want to be the hott Mom. Yeah yeah, I know what your thinking, but we ALL want to be the hott Mom. Its not that I care if their friends think im hott, but I care that it would make my boys so proud of me if their friends told them their Mom was hott :) Get what im sayin'?? Of course they would act like "Dude, thats so gross, dont talk about my Mom like that!" But deep down they will feel good about it, and be proud of me. You always want your kids to be proud of you, just as they want you to be proud of them.

I want to have great relationships with my sons' girlfriends/wives. I want them to come to me when my boys are being farts and they need advice about how to deal with them. I want them to ask me how to make each boys favorite dish, because the way Momma does it is the best! But then I will explain to them that, as sorry as I am, I will not give them that recipe....because I have to hang on to the few things I have to give my sons that their ladies just cant. That way they will always have something to come back to Momma for :) Yes, im wicked like that!

I want them to remember me as a great Mom. Period. End of story. To remember that I raised them with a lot of LOVE and a lot of DISCIPLINE. That I was always there for them. And I want them to look back and know that I put everything into being a good Mom to them.

HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO REMEMBER YOU?

3 comments:

  1. I wanted all those things too, Mandy! And I truly hope my kids have some of those feelings and memories - also my grandchildren!
    I do remember that when your dad was little I was indulging myself in a salon hairdo each week because I could afford it and then giving it up because I didn't want a hairdo to get in the way of playing in the water with my kids.
    Those same kind of memories about my mom live on in my heart too.
    Love you, Gramma

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  2. I feel like I've gotten to have it all! I have four boys ages 14, 11, 8 and 6 and then last year was blessed with twin girls who just turned 1.
    So I got to be a boy mom, a twin mom, a boy and girl mom, and then all of the boys will grow up and move out and I'll be just a girl mom!

    I also have been and am a stay at home mom, but I also had quick stint as a work out of the home mom until we were surprised with the twins!

    have fun!

    Enjoy it!

    Try and get out with all of the babies now, when they are tiny, even if it seems crazy. because the truth is, in a lot of ways it does not get easier. it gets different.

    When my babies were tiny, I took a deep breath, loaded them up and hit the road. I had to, my older kids needed me to be around for Cross Country meets and science fairs and musicals and the like.

    I'm glad I got out early and often, because at a year, the girls are very portable. To the extent that they nap better on the road!

    I would not trade this adventure for anything. I've got lots of twin stuff over at my blog. . . http://dakotapam.com and a lot of other stuff as well! Tons of fun!

    I think your boys are darling.

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  3. I love this post. This is exactly what I am going through as well. I have a son and the twins are 15 months younger than he is. Great post! I will remember this for a long time!

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