Monday, February 28, 2011

The 2 year old Club!

My 2 year old son, Kyle, being my oldest...is teaching me new things every single day. I experience everything for the first time as a parent, with him. He just recently turned 2 in December. That makes him 2 yrs 2 mos. An amateur 2 year old, still in training. And I have found that a 2 year old is entirely different than a 1 year old. Like...1 year old Kyle, while similarities do still exist, is quite different from 2 year old Kyle. I'm learning that apparently there are certain requirements that a little person must meet in order to become accepted into the "2 Year Old Club". To be considered a true 2 year old.

Here are some of the things I have picked up on so far....

If your Mom spends 15 minutes putting all of your toys neatly into a toy bin, you MUST immediately run right behind her and dump them all out. And make sure you scatter them a bit, so that it makes it just a little more difficult for her to clean them back up.

Turning 2 apparently means that its time to be potty trained. So when its "that time" and you feel the urge, make sure you take every single piece of clothing off. Not just your diaper. Shoes, socks, shirt. Everything. And then when you winkle just the tiniest bit in the potty, and receive your reward for doing so, be certain that you relieve yourself the rest of the way on the furniture. Any furniture will do...the couch, the recliner, your bed, your parents bed....wherever.

Make sure you don't let on that you know where your parents hide certain personal items. And then when the most opportune time presents itself, say...when company is over....go ahead and let the cat out of the bag. So, the tampons you saw Mom quietly put away when she thought you weren't looking....or the *huh-hmmm* "party hats" you watched Dad so cautiously tuck into his drawer....this is the time for you to bring them all out. And make sure their company sees it all.

Be certain that when inconspicuously listening to an adult conversation between your parents, that you isolate only the inappropriate words, and then use them repeatedly for the next several days. Oh, and this would be a good one to throw in when company is around, as well.

When you request that a certain meal be prepared for you...for instance, mac-n-cheese, make sure that your parents have completely finished making it and dishing it up before you decide that you no longer want it and completely refuse it altogether.

OH. And when you do decide to actually eat some of the food that was given to you, make sure that every bit of what is left on your plate gets thrown onto the floor. You can rub some in your hair too, just for good measure.

Crayons. Made for coloring, right? Coloring books, paper, WALLS, CARPETS, SIBLINGS, FURNITURE. I emphasize the last 4. Feel free to take this and run with it. They gave you crayons...so let me be clear...You are to use them! However your free little spirit wishes to.

OK, now this is the MOST important qualification. Make SURE, super-duper sure, that right before you are to be reprimanded by your parents for completing one of the above listed actions, you throw your secret weapon at them. A reminder to them that you are 2 after all, and can put phrases and sentences together now. 3 simple words. Or 4, however you want to put it. "I Love You". "I Love You Mommy" or "I Love You Daddy" will word splendidly as well. If you can pull that off, and completely stop them dead in their tracks just as you were about to receive your punishment, then, and only then, will you be officially accepted into the "2 year old club". Congratulations!

2 comments:

  1. Yes! You have it down pat, Mandy!

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  2. Hilarious post. So so very true! And the best news of all - these rules carry right on over to the 3-year-old club (along with a few new ones, of course)!

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